Lone Mower?

Today in Texas Redneck fashion I was using the lawnmower to pick up leaves in the yard and on the drive way. We have a rake, but it is broken and just makes too much sense to use. Beckham was helping me and at 10:34 a.m. Laura came out to help. A noise was heard and she went down having been struck in the eye with a pebble. She felt like she was going to faint and was clearly in pain when I reached her. We immediately rushed her to the kitchen for a short time of crying. Later Norma flushed her eye and she has recovered. The question now is whether there was a lone lawn man or if this was a CIA cover up. Consider the evidence.


A. The angle of the first lawn mower is not a shot any ordinary mower could make.

B. When was the last time one shot was fired and actually hit its target? I’ve seen Die Hard way too many times to believe someone can be hit with one shot.

C. If it was the lone mower then the victims husband would have done this and seeing (no pun intended) as there is no life insurance policy on the victim there stands to be no motive.

What actually happened? We found some old guys to run a commission who have been out of work since their last job was poorly reviewed. We hired them and the findings of the Warren Commission II is as follows. LEC1

Evidence A, B and C make clear that there was not a lone mower, instead there must have been a second mower across the street, up the hill and behind the fence circled. After the first shot was fired from location 1. there were 836 consecutive shots from a mower on the grassy knoll behind the fence. One of which struck the  victim and bringing her to the ground. Case Solved.



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3 responses to “Lone Mower?

  1. This is easy- it was the dumb husband on the grassy knoll without any common sense.

  2. Christina Lutz

    I’m with Tony on the dumb husband comment. Man up and take responsibility- hmmm. Maybe you should hire someone to do your lawn…

  3. Clearly you miss Texas as much as it misses you. Why else would you be raking in this fashion?

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